It is so easy to run back to things that make you feel comfortable when you’re bored or sad or you just want to feel something. But, I am learning that comfortable is not always the best.
For countless years I have sold myself short because I continually ran back to toxic people to find some sort of comfort in troubling. If I had a bad day I sought encouragement or pity; if I was bored I talked to them because they would most likely disappoint me enough so that I would actually feel something; if I did not really like myself that day I looked for some immediate validation; if there was something missing from my life, my instinct was to have toxicity somehow fill the hole. Soon enough I would learn that trying to fill a hole with something toxic only enlarges it. And by soon enough I mean tonight. Unfortunately, people are not the only form toxic takes: toxicity can be found in behaviours as well. Perhaps what you run back to in hopes of finding some deranged comfort is an unhealthy behaviour. But no matter how many seemingly quick fixes you get after performing such behavior, in the long run you will never be satisfied. And as times goes on, the behaviour will only become more prevalent in until it rules your life. So, although it may help in the moment, relying on unhealthy behaviours to fix yourself will only provide a temporary fix to a growing internal problem. Life is full of crossroads-- a moment where you are caught between two choices. Tonight my road were either run back to a known toxic person to try find some comfort in the fact that they would most definitely disappoint me, or I could choose to better myself. Obviously, my post makes it clear that I chose the latter. And after taking the wrong road so many times and ending up distraught an hour after talking with them, it feels amazing to finally have made the right choice. Tonight I am focused on me helping me fill my own holes. Instead of pouring toxic waste to fill the holes, I made the conscious effort to spare myself the long run misery (I experienced far too long) and help myself. And I encourage you all to do the same. Make the choice to save yourself from the toxins because you are worth more than that. Remember, it is so easy to run back; it is not easy to move forward. But it is always worth the extra effort.
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AuthorLife enthusiast, tea addict, Winnie the Pooh admirer who is hopelessly pursuing happiness by any and all means. Archives
April 2020
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